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J-to-E #10 - God Hates Japan 2
Jul. 22nd, 2009 06:47 pmMichael, over at Sagas of Saga, posted another installment of God Hates Japan, so I did a translation just to get back into the habit.
It was perfectly good place. I mean, Saitama isn't exactly the Congo. The fact that they had abandoned this world and its inhabitants was humiliating. My friend Tetsu couldn't seem to believe it either, and he told me a story he heard about the Mormons. I don't know what to call him, either the parish priest or the father, gathered all the young boys in a room, once a month, to preach on the evils of masturbation. He'd give all the boys a special pen with invisible ink, and a piece of paper and made them all draw a mark the size of a big coin for each time they masturbated in the last month. He'd collect all the papers, post the papers on the wall using pins, and dim the lights. Then, the room would be covered in stars. It actually sounded like a beautiful scene. Anyway, the priest would call this "the world of sin," or some such thing, and told the young Mormons that their mission for next month was to make all the stars disappear.
Obviously Tetsu and I were curious as to how the female version of this lesson went, but all we could do was imagine.
04
What, me? I was born in 1975, just north of Tokyo. My only sibling is my sister Mariko, born in 1970, but her sensibilities were so far from mine that sometime I thought she must have been born in 1955.
If you asked her what kind of person she thought she was, the first thing she'd mention would be how she owned every product made by (the fashion brand) Burberry. If Burberry made tampons, Mariko would definitely have bought them. When she was young, the thing she was most into was a cheap copy band of the 80's group Duran Duran, made up of foreigners. Even now, she goes out every Monday to Harajuku to remember the days she danced in front of the gymnasium in full rockabilly gear. How embarrassing. It really is the worst. The greatest fights we had occurred after I drew boobs and fangs on the covers her precious concert pamphlets from 1982 to 1986.
( Original )
It was perfectly good place. I mean, Saitama isn't exactly the Congo. The fact that they had abandoned this world and its inhabitants was humiliating. My friend Tetsu couldn't seem to believe it either, and he told me a story he heard about the Mormons. I don't know what to call him, either the parish priest or the father, gathered all the young boys in a room, once a month, to preach on the evils of masturbation. He'd give all the boys a special pen with invisible ink, and a piece of paper and made them all draw a mark the size of a big coin for each time they masturbated in the last month. He'd collect all the papers, post the papers on the wall using pins, and dim the lights. Then, the room would be covered in stars. It actually sounded like a beautiful scene. Anyway, the priest would call this "the world of sin," or some such thing, and told the young Mormons that their mission for next month was to make all the stars disappear.
Obviously Tetsu and I were curious as to how the female version of this lesson went, but all we could do was imagine.
04
What, me? I was born in 1975, just north of Tokyo. My only sibling is my sister Mariko, born in 1970, but her sensibilities were so far from mine that sometime I thought she must have been born in 1955.
If you asked her what kind of person she thought she was, the first thing she'd mention would be how she owned every product made by (the fashion brand) Burberry. If Burberry made tampons, Mariko would definitely have bought them. When she was young, the thing she was most into was a cheap copy band of the 80's group Duran Duran, made up of foreigners. Even now, she goes out every Monday to Harajuku to remember the days she danced in front of the gymnasium in full rockabilly gear. How embarrassing. It really is the worst. The greatest fights we had occurred after I drew boobs and fangs on the covers her precious concert pamphlets from 1982 to 1986.
( Original )
